THE ITALIAN WHO WENT TO CORNWALL
( Must be read with an Italian accent )

One day ima gonna Cornwall to bigga hotel.

Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast.

I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast.

She brings me only one piss.

I tella her I want to piss.She say go to the toilet.

I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate.

She says you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch.

I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna my bitch.

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant.

The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tella me everyone wanna fock.

I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed.

I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me go to the toilet.

I say you no understand. I wanna shit on the bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say 'peace on you'. I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.