HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband/boyfriend on the way, cover any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror, make a mental note to do more sit-ups.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth; arm cloth; leg cloth; long loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair with Cucumber age shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural Avocado oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash face with crushed Apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red. Wash entire body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair, making sure it all comes off.
Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini-line but decide to have it waxed instead. Scream loudly when husband/boyfriend flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for the remotest signs of wrinkles; stretch marks; cellulite or zits. Tweeze hairs. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see your husband/boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas, then sashay into bedroom to spend half an hour getting dressed.

**********

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

Take off clothes sitting on the bed. Leave them in a pile. Scratch balls. Walk naked into the bathroom. If you see wife/girlfriend on the way, shake willy at her making the "woo-woo" sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No) Scratch balls. Admire the size of your willy in the mirror and scratch your arse.
Get in shower. Scratch balls. Don't bother to look for a wash cloth - you don't use one. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow nose in your hand, then just let the water rinse it off. Crack up at how loud your farts sound in the shower. Scratch balls. Majority of time is spent washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your backside leaving coarse butt-hairs on the soap bar. Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Peek out of curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again. Pee in the shower, rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
Partially dry off. Look in the mirror again . Flex muscles. Admire willy size again. Scratch balls. Leave shower curtains open and wet bath mat on floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to bedroom with towel round your waist. If you pass wife/girlfriend on the way, pull off the towel, shake willy at her, and make "woo-woo" sound again. Throw wet towel on the bed. Scratch balls. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.